We interrupt this blog to report:

I just voted!

C'est finis.

Ron

Sugar Cane Plantation

I grew up on a sugar cane plantation. Over time I have grown to understand how unique my younger years on the old Burton Plantation actually was. See, I was an only child. My nearest neighbor was about a quarter of a mile from the house. They were an old black couple, the nicest people you'll ever meet. Since I had no neighborhood kids to play with, obviously I had a lot of solo time.
When I wasn't alone, I was spending time with my mom. She played board games with me. Sorry! was my favorite. Or was it landslide? Maybe during election time I preferred Landslide. She keep me active in sports and scouts. I also spent nights at friends. All was good. You take out the chaos caused by my father's drinking and it was a good childhood. I loved where I lived. I enjoyed my childhood. If the house had been in "livable" condition, I would define it as perfect.
Ok, back to my solo time. I get so scatter brained sometimes! On our immediate property, I had all I needed to enjoy myself. I built farms with my tractors and trucks. I'd feed the chickens and checked the hen house for eggs. There was grass to cut and vegetables to harvest. Flew kites in the spring.

But what I enjoyed the most was playing football! I had a big yard on the side of the house that was my football field. Nice open space with thick soft grass. I'd spend hours playing football by myself. I played alone, of course, and dreamed I was both a high school and LSU football star. I threw to myself. I tackled myself. Heck, I even announced the games. I won and and I lost games. What a great time! As if I was following my favorite team, those games are also very memorable to me know.
Behind the house and across the highway was miles of sugar cane fields. I roamed these fields on a Honda Mini Trail 50 my parents bought for me. I would spend lots of time roaming the cane fields, mostly enjoying the animals which, like me, called this place home. I visited birds in the woods, snakes in the canals, armadillos amongst the open fields in the mornings.
Thinking back today, I am pretty sure the time spent on that little mini bike was my escape from the chaos. What I remember most about riding the cane fields was the freedom I had. It was peaceful. There was no one to yell, no guessing moods, no chaos. Just the wind blowing in my face and the cane stalks watching this little kid enjoy his young life.
I can still feel that freedom!
C'est finis
Ron

This Old House

This is the house I lived in from the time I was 5 until my fathers death in 1982. The picture above is of an original painting that I own. It was done by my childhood friend's mom, Mrs Louise Guidry, who is a very well known south Louisiana artist. It is an excellent painting of the house I lived in. The house sits on the side of the highway on a working sugar cane (known as the Burton Plantation) farm on the outskirts of the town of St. Martinville, Louisiana. St. Martinville is an old Acadiana town that is rich in history. It was a wonderful town to grow up in. Physically, the house in my time was in bad shape. NO air conditioner, no central heating, old tin roof, rats and mice in the attic. Roaches galore. In winter, the wind would could come up through the cracks in the wooden floor. We had a wooden stove and heater for heat in the winter time, along with regular butane heaters in various rooms. In the summer, all we had was fans. Looking back, it was like living in the early 1900s as far as amenities were concerned. The house was surrounded by two large, old live oak trees, quite common in that part of Louisiana. There were also quite a few pecan trees, which provided me a little income during pecan season. All these trees also made for lots leaf raking! We had about an acre of land as our yard, divided up into two parts by a barb wire fence. Originally there were quite a few buildings on the property. In the end, we had two wooden sheds and one small barn. We raised chickens in the early years, and had a large garden behind the house for many years.

Despite the chaos, the house evokes some strong and cherished memories for me. I miss that time.

There is much more to write about this house. For now, I wanted to lay out the physical aspects of the house which is an important factor in my youth.

C'est finis.

Ron

Bedtime thoughts...

I generally don't look forward to going to sleep at night. No matter what kind a day I have had, when the lights go out at night, my mind just goes mad. This phenomenon is relatively new to me. My main thoughts are about why am I who I am. Why am I not a novelist? An actor? An engineer? What do I want to be when I grow up? Why did I not finish college? All these thoughts just flood my mind when the lights go out.

I watched Inside the Actor's Studio with Matt Damon on You Tube last night. He had such a clear idea from a young age what he was going to be in his future. Amazing! He had an idea an idea at a young age and ran with it. It didn't fall into his lap! He set his course with the help of his parents and reached his destination.

Where is my plan? Why did I never had it? How much smarter is Matt Damon than me? Why can't I find my destination? Or start my journey?

These are the type of thoughts that are becoming my bedtime routine. Can I still find my niche in life? Other than a husband and father, what am I going to be when I grow up? Why am I where I am in life? Am I smart enough to write? HELP!

Live in the now.

C'est finis

Ron

Late

Entry for Ilustration Friday

Unable to finish project...

I just read the characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholic parents listed in the ACOP forums of Daily Strength. It wasn't the first time I had read these since I have read a couple of books on ACOP.

Have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.

I was in Borders years ago when I picked up a book in the self help section and found this statement in an ACOP book. GUILTY! It was as if lightening had struck me. WOW! My home growing up (a subject to be talked about at length later) had so many unfinished projects both inside and out. Many were still unfinished after my father passed.
Reading that statement years ago was when I first realized that I was affected by my father's drinking more than I had ever imagined! It wasn't over after he died! Heck, that was practically the beginning! This characteristic is by far the main one that haunts me. I am so GUILTY of this, I do it practically daily. I am constantly aware of this flaw and struggle to fight through it. From cleaning a room in the house to college, I very seldom get things done completely! I look at a project and I just think of the journey to get it finished, not the end result. I didn't even complete my counseling! You would think that thinking of the end result would motivate me to complete the project. Nope, doesn't work that way for me. I am defeated before I begin. What is most frustrating is that I know the weakness.
Oh boy, I do indeed need help!
C'est finis.

We interrupt this blog for a sports update!

I am a big sports fan, with college football being my favorite. Being from south Louisiana, I followed both USL and LSU football. I went to Arizona State so I definetly follow them as well.

My father was a graduate of LSU in the 40s, so I spent many a Saturday night listening to the Tigers play on our radio. I will write more about spending time with my father on Saturday night during football season at a later time.

Today I am excited about LSU being on ESPN again. I am just hoping that we play better than we did at Florida last week. That was tough.

C'est Finis

Ron

The Web Blows Me Away

My wife was trying to understand Facebook last night and asked if I could look. I said sure and thought the easiest would be to join and see what I could figure out for her. Well, as soon as I started to fill out a profile facts, which was the high school and year you graduated, two friends popped up in the find friends area. WOW! I haven't heard anything from them in over 20 plus years. I requested to be a friend of both and heard from them within the hour! CRAZY! Hopefully we stay in touch! This really brightened an already great day! Who knows who I will find next!

C'est Finis

Ron

Various obsessions

All my adult life I have gone through various obsessive behaviors or hobbies as I prefer to call them. I don't know why I go through these phases. Is this related to being an adult child or alcoholic parent? Currently, my obsession/hobby is collecting and reading about vintage bicycles. Some other hobbies have passed the test of time and I continue to do them on a regular (but limited) basis. These include geocaching and where's george. Some of these obsessions have taken time away from my family, though in recent years I have worked hard to not let myself take much time away from my family. The content of these are harmless. It is time away from the family where the harm lies. I wish someday that this obsession will be reading! Not that I hope to avoid the family, just that I would love to read more. Reading, or lack of, is a whole other topic that I could spend time writing about.
Currently I collect, on a very limited basis, vintage bicycles. I don't have money to really go all out in this hobby, but I enjoy seeing other collectors' collections! I currently own 3 vintage Schwinn bikes, including a cool 1969 Deluxe Twinn tandem. Enjoy the pics of the bikes...time to get the kids up and ready for school.
C'est finis!

Who am I today?

Who am I today? How did I get here? What am I doing here? Well, I am an only child from a little town in south Louisiana. My mother stayed at home and father was a foreman for St. Martin Parish, I think. Never understood what his title actually was to be honest. As a kid, I enjoyed hunting, fishing, football, and riding my little Honda motorcycle around the sugar cane fields where I lived. I graduated high school in 1982 and went on to one semester of college before joining the Marine Corps. Four years later, I was back home giving college a try again. I decided to take a summer job at Yellowstone National Park in 1988, which was the year of the big fire. There my life took a big turn. In 1989, I met my future wife while working another summer in YNP. So after the summer of '89, I moved to Mesa, AZ to join her at school at Arizona State. She finished college, I didn't. Big surprise, since most of my projects are incomplete (place sarcastic look here!). We have 3 wonderful children-two sons ages 13 and 5 and an 11 year old daughter. We currently live in Albuquerque, NM.

Ok, so it is very brief but that is me in a nutshell. I'll peel more layers off of me as I continue to write.

C'est fini

Wow, I have a Kid!

Wow, I have a kid! I have these revelations often. I am blessed to have 3 healthy kids and of course, a GREAT wife of 17 years. Every few months I will look at one of my kids and go WOW, that kid is mine. I can't have a kid. It is at that moment I think I am still that teenager back home in my little town in south Louisiana. Not the responsible adult I am supposed to be. It is a bizarre feeling when this hits. I don't know if this is common among parents or not? I remember dropping my daughter off at soccer and driving away thinking there is my kid! I just watched her make her way to the field, not knowing that her father was sitting there thinking how could it be. Some days it feels like I am stuck in high school. I am still that kid, waiting for Stu to come pick me up to go out on a Saturday night of drinking! Those days are long gone but it is sometimes fun to revisit those times in my mind.

C'est fini

What about my mother?

Well, my mother endured it all. I didn't understand what she was going through all those years. I never talked to her after my fathers death about what she went through. I have over the years learn to understand her sacrifice of keeping our family together for the sake of me. She was the last of 11 children. Her mother died while she was in the 10th grade, and she never returned to school. I don't know the circumstances of how she met my father, but I would guess it was at a local bar. She was a GREAT mom. Always there for me. Football practice, baseball, boy scouts, she took me everywhere. Always trying to keep me safe from any and everything. She deserved better than what she had. She had a tough life and I understand that now. I love and miss her.

For now, c'est fini.

Worry

As an only child, I was close to both parents. As a boy, I did alot of activities with my dad. We were big hunters and fishers. I grew up in the little town of St. Martinville, Louisiana, which is just south of Lafayette. Hunting trips were to our camp in the Atchafalaya River Basin. Fishing was usually at the Hendersen swamp. It was always a great time being outdoors and learning about the area and its wildlife. Since my father had a degree from LSU in Forestry, he was extremely knowledgable about this area and its wildlife. As I hit my teen years, my time with him was replaced by time with friends. This time period in my life I consider my "worrying" years. If I wasn't with him, I just thought of bad things that may happen cause I knew he would be drinking. With that said, he would never drink and handle shotguns. He always stressed the importance of being safe with loaded guns. It would be after the trip that the drinking would begin. On fishing trips, there would be drinking all day. Often I would go with him even though I may not want to be there. If I was there I didn't have to worry about what might happen. As I grew and understood how much he was drinking and what drinking did to oneself, the more I worried. Nights he wouldn't come home after work were the worst. It was hard to escape the unknown.

With all that said, I loved my father deeply. He was a good man with a powerful disease that he couldn't (or didn't try) to control. He was gone before I understood the problem. These days there are no worries, only memories. Alot of good memories. I miss him.

C'est finis.

Ron

Your Father was an Alcoholic

"Your father can't show love Shoo, your father was an alcoholic". Those words were spoken to me 25 years ago in a phone conversation with my mother. It was shocking to hear those words. ALCOHOLIC. When that conversation took place I was 19 years. It was the one year anniversary of my fathers death and I was far from home for the first time at my first duty station for the Marines. Alcoholic. That word was never used around the house and I had never ever thought of him that way. Alcoholic. Now that statement my mom said was not discussed any further in the conversation. I had to digest it later that evening. What does that mean? He's gone, but what does it mean to me that he was an alcoholic? Was he an alcoholic? Such a casual statement from my mom would be so profound to me. However, it would be years until I would understand the true ramifications of what that statement would mean and affect me.

Alcoholic? Yes, it was the truth. It doesn't diminish how much I loved my father. However, the statement my mom said to me still rings in my head on daily basis. My dad was an alcoholic.

C'est fini

Ron

Here I am!

Ok, so here I am. Where do I began? What do I want to do here? Lets see if I can figure out why I am even here.
I would like to write but I am not trained in this field. So I figured this might be a good place to start. I would also like to tell stories about my childhood and how it relates to life at age 44 in the hope of finding others who may be in the sames boat as I am. I don't know where this will take me but I am excited about the possibilities. I have always been a dreamer. Unfortunately it ends there. There is no road map made in order to fulfill these dreams. I would like to help others, but I hardly ever finish projects. I struggle nearly each and every day with some aspect of being brought up with an alcoholic parent. That is why I am here...to let this out and see where it goes. Maybe someone will be here to offer help? Maybe just writing will be therapeutic! Maybe no one will read this blog. Lets see where this takes me.
I don't want to start with my story with this entry. What I will say now is I want to talk about my life with an alcoholic parents and its relation to where I am at now. There were plenty of good times as a kid! Some bad times. So join me in my journey as I learn what growing up in my situation has affected my life as a happily married father of three wonderful children now living in Albuquerque, NM.

For now, C'est fini.

Life is Good-Ron